5 Least Favorite Bands of All-Time

5. Interpol: Sterile. Bland. The lead-singer sounds like he's auditioning to be the next Sprint Voicemail person.

4. Nickelback: Would be #1 if it weren't for the fact that their first song "How You Remind Me" was actually half-way decent. After that, pure crap. Listen to "Far Away" and explain to me how they are currently the #1 selling rock band in the country. Please. Someone explain.

3. The White Stripes: No doubt the choice on the list that will make people go "What! Why?" They are here because they are way over-hyped in my opinion, yet have failed to deliver. A few good songs here and there ("My Doorbell", "Seven Nation Army") and clever videos abound, but nothing to warrant the widespread acclaim they seem to have.

2. Belle & Sebastian: Another widely popular band that justksdjm,zzzzz.. Oops, apparently writing about them elicits the same reaction I get when listening to them. Sleep.

1. 10,000 Maniacs (1981-1993): Dear Natalie Merchant, Please enunciate when you sing. Love, Everyone.

Top 10 Reasons Why I Like Old Navy

10. Their constant attempts at inventing clothes. We're disturbingly close to fleece capri pants, I'm telling you.

9. Realizing that you've been suckered into shopping there by TV ads more annoying than those for The Olive Garden.

8. Every minute you're in Old Navy is one minute you're not shopping at The Gap.

7. Setting off the security alarm when leaving, only to be told by a cashier to go ahead. Honestly, have you ever see an employee care when those things get set off.

6. Trying to figure out the difference between Carpenter and Painter jeans. I'm stumped.

5. Not being able to walk 5 feet without being asked to sign up for an Old Navy credit card. Nothing like paying a monthly fee for a card that I'll forget I have.

4. The absolute lock that you will hear a Rob Thomas song played over the speaker system. Bet the house on that one.

3. The employee in charge of the dressing rooms, if only for the fact that he or she wields way too much unnecessary power. And they know it.

2. The cashiers always checking the size of both shoes when you buy them. I'm sorry, but there are certain things I'm willing to take responsibility for, and being able to buy two shoes that are the same size is one of them.

1. The headsets. What possible emergency in clothing retail is there that an Old Navy clerk would need to radio someone immediately, and lack functionality in both hands?

Random Thoughts

...I can't remember the last time I've purchased batteries. It never occurs to me to buy them when I actually need them. Instead, I'll harvest other electronic devices for them.

...If I'm perfectly capable of telling time, why do I freak-out and stumble everytime someone asks me what time it is?

...I've never seen a pair of gloves stored in a glove compartment. In fact, it strikes me as a slightly inconvenient place to put them.

10 Reasons Why I Like Flying

10. At least one flight attendant will look like (1) someone you know or (2) a hybrid of (1) and a random celebrity. For example, on a recent flight to Chicago I was served by Frank, a combination of my dentist and Camilla Parker-Bowles.

9. The safety video. You learn something new everytime. Over the summer I learned that the level of inflation of your oxygen mask depends on altitude. I like to know these things.

8. Ginger-ale. I've never drank ginger-ale below 35,000 feet. True story.

7. Empty middle-seats. The airborne-equivalent of getting rung-up by the photobooth cashier at CVS, simultaenously skipping over 10 people in line who have been waiting 15 minutes longer than you. And there's nothing they can do about it.

6. People complaining to ticket agents. Sheer entertainment. My favorite part is when the person concludes by saying "I'm not flying this airline again!" Just once I want to hear the agent respond, "OK, our airline is bankrupt and $250 million in the red. I'm sure our CEO will care that he won't be getting your $300. Really. Have a nice day!"

5. Waiting for your bags, all the while thinking "Someone could easily steal all of my clothes and never get caught."

4. The snack mixes you get with your drink on the plane. I wasn't aware you could season a peanut with chili powder, but who am I?

3. That-frumpy-middle-aged-woman-wearing-a-beret-who-yells-at-parents-of-crying-infants-who-is-taking-notes-out-of-a-L.-Ron-Hubbard-novel. There's one on every plane.

2. Ambiguously sexually-orientated male flight attendants. Enough said.

1. The pilot and flight crew awkwardly saying goodbye to the passengers as you get off, kind of like a bad improve comedy troupe after a show.

I caught a bit of Scooby-Doo on Cartoon Network today. Because I’m awesome. Anyway, a few things about this show have been bugging me for years.

1.) Whenever the gang get to whatever haunted house they’re investigating, they always split up into the same groups. Group A: Fred, Daphne and Velma. The other team? Shaggy and Scooby. That’s right, pair the pot-head and talking dog. It’s like in gym class when the teacher was feeling malevolent and decided to put all soccer players on the same team for kickball.

2.) Every episode always involved some big scheme or hustle, usually involving thousands of dollars. Yet it always boiled down to some guy dressing up like some sort of monster or ghoblin. Could you imagine if this is how people solved things in the real world? “Sir, you’re being investigated for tax fraud.”

“OK, I want you to call my lawyers…and go get my Abominal Snowman outfit!”

Diary of Haircut

1:05PM: Always encouraging when you walk-in to a store and you do not see a single costumer or employee. I could steal about $300 of over-priced shampoo and no one would ever know. While we're here, let me explain my three rules for the person who cuts my hair.

1. Don't engage me in conversation. It's nothing personal; I just don't find it necessary to talk during a haircut. Not knowing English is a plus.

2. Don't show me the back of my head when you're done. Unless you wrote something like "Long Live the IRA!" with an electric razor, I don't really care.

3. If at any point during the haircut, you pause, take a few steps back and do that framing thing with your fingers, you're putting too much effort into this.


1:08PM: An employee finally appears. He has a curly purple mohawk in front of a bald spot. On top of it, he looks like Ricky Williams. He'll be cutting my hair today. Fantastic.

1:10PM: "Damien" asks me how'd like my hair cut. How come I always get the urge to say "shorter!"

1:11PM: Damien asks me what number clippers I use. I can never remember. Can't they post a sign indicating what the numbers mean?

1:13PM: Damien drops his clippers and swears. Apparently, this ends the electricity-requiring component of my haircut.

1:19PM: We're nine minutes in and him or and I haven't said word. I like it.

1:22PM: Is there any activity that makes you more self-conscious of your appearance than a haircut? I mean, you're staring at a mirror for an extended period of time.

1:25PM: Boy, I'm a ugly.

1:27PM: Now, we're at the "Comb my wet bangs on to my forehead and haphazardly cut them with one hand" portion. If blood is going to be drawn, the time is now.

1:29PM: Shampoo time. Damien asks me what "product" I use. I'm slightly embarassed to tell him the 0.89$ Suave stuff.

1:31PM: We're done, and it's tip time. I'm a fan of the "giving them a twenty and asking for two dollars less than the change required" tipping procedure. It works for me.

Analysis: He did a pretty good job. Good length. Bangs a little longer than I'd like. Didn't talk for the duration of it, so I'll give him credit. However, that mohawks is still bugging me.

Grade: B+

I just realized that I have no idea what the phrase "can't see the forest for the trees" means. I know it's a criticism, but beyond that, I'm stumped.