Diary of Haircut

1:05PM: Always encouraging when you walk-in to a store and you do not see a single costumer or employee. I could steal about $300 of over-priced shampoo and no one would ever know. While we're here, let me explain my three rules for the person who cuts my hair.

1. Don't engage me in conversation. It's nothing personal; I just don't find it necessary to talk during a haircut. Not knowing English is a plus.

2. Don't show me the back of my head when you're done. Unless you wrote something like "Long Live the IRA!" with an electric razor, I don't really care.

3. If at any point during the haircut, you pause, take a few steps back and do that framing thing with your fingers, you're putting too much effort into this.


1:08PM: An employee finally appears. He has a curly purple mohawk in front of a bald spot. On top of it, he looks like Ricky Williams. He'll be cutting my hair today. Fantastic.

1:10PM: "Damien" asks me how'd like my hair cut. How come I always get the urge to say "shorter!"

1:11PM: Damien asks me what number clippers I use. I can never remember. Can't they post a sign indicating what the numbers mean?

1:13PM: Damien drops his clippers and swears. Apparently, this ends the electricity-requiring component of my haircut.

1:19PM: We're nine minutes in and him or and I haven't said word. I like it.

1:22PM: Is there any activity that makes you more self-conscious of your appearance than a haircut? I mean, you're staring at a mirror for an extended period of time.

1:25PM: Boy, I'm a ugly.

1:27PM: Now, we're at the "Comb my wet bangs on to my forehead and haphazardly cut them with one hand" portion. If blood is going to be drawn, the time is now.

1:29PM: Shampoo time. Damien asks me what "product" I use. I'm slightly embarassed to tell him the 0.89$ Suave stuff.

1:31PM: We're done, and it's tip time. I'm a fan of the "giving them a twenty and asking for two dollars less than the change required" tipping procedure. It works for me.

Analysis: He did a pretty good job. Good length. Bangs a little longer than I'd like. Didn't talk for the duration of it, so I'll give him credit. However, that mohawks is still bugging me.

Grade: B+